So much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to

I want to warn you that the first half of this blog is very depressing:

Most of you already know that I have been having a tough few months. Starting with the passing of my mom's dog Don Quixote, followed very soon after by Klyde's death. Which I have to admit I have not been handling well, not that I should have to. I love that dog more than many people even know how to love their own children. And he died way too young and cancer is a bitch and I feel pissed off and sad and I know that's okay. On top of all this school started, and fall is always a very stressful, hectic time around here. Then my great-aunt Nelsyne passed away. Which is not so sad since she was a victim of Alzheimer's and had lost herself a few years back. I hope with her new found clarity she will forgive me for the time that I almost let her board a plane to Canada, maybe even get a little laugh out of it. But it doesn't stop there, no. My aunt Cathy is so sick and I feel so helpless. I feel so sad and so scared for her and what she has to go through and I don't know how to be there for my mother who has to see her own sister suffering. While trying to keep tabs on my own health I learned that I have a vitamin B12 deficiency. This means that any chance my brain had of feeling happy was pretty diminished and that being a vegetarian can be risky business.

But this is life. This is what comes with growing up and having more responsibilities and feeling immense happiness and love most of the time.

I am starting to feel better. I am starting to accept things that I am powerless over and I am just trying to do the best I can for the time being. That has meant staying in, taking vitamins, being a bit of slacker when it comes to school, whining about all of my problems, and so on.

I miss Klyde. My house feels empty. But - I have two really awesome kitties whose personalities have really blossomed in the absence of a dog. And I am starting to think that I will want to adopt a puppy in the future. Hopefully another boxer. But I am waiting until I am out of school - that way I'll have time to train a puppy and I will have given myself the time I need to grieve. My good friend Sarah has already offered to throw a puppy shower which is super exciting! And I've already begun contemplating baby names (I know I am a giant dork and I am okay with that).

This period of time has been another opportunity to really learn who my true friends are. Its always unfortunate to realize that not everyone is as there for you as you thought, but in the end you see that the ones who are, are really amazing. My close girlfriends all made an effort to spend time with me and make sure that I didn't fall apart. I finally hung out with a friend from a long, long time ago and we just clicked. It felt like we had stayed friends this whole time. My sister in law made a simple comment during a passing conversation that made me feel like I have such an amazing, extended family. I feel really supported and that is so comforting.

And just little things make me thankful. Like the weather today - it really feels like fall outside and I am looking forward to just sitting on the porch enjoying the breeze this evening. Like playing Mario Cart with my husband on a Nintendo 64. Yea, that's totally fun. And big things - I am thankful that in all the illness that seems to be going around Brandon's mom has a clean bill of health after a few scary weeks. I am thankful for every memory and picture and story of Klyde. I am thankful for understanding coworkers and more thankful for an understanding boss and especially thankful that I love my job and that I have a job in this terrifying economy. I am thankful that my mom and Brandon are just in my life; they are my life. I am thankful for tomorrow and looking forward to it (I mean this is in a metaphorical, rhetorical, theoretical sort of way, as I actually have to work tomorrow, which is kinda lame).