Everything stays the same

Things have felt a little too unsure for me to want to post about recently - I needed some answers before I shared my secrets with the world (or the two of you that read this). 

So what's the big secret?  (and it is a secret of sorts, not for just anyone to know or share).

I applied for a job.  I wasn’t looking for a new job.  I’m not unhappy in my current position.  I saw the posting almost by chance.  And I applied for it because I thought it was my dream job.  B never thought it was my "dream job" because it would have been a pay cut.  But I thought it was perfect.  Perfect = Recruiting transfer students for the U of A in California.  The posting clearly said “extensive travel to California.”

I got an interview right away and think that I did pretty well.   I had an in with recruiters that I had worked closely with while at Eller.  I was nervous and excited.  And then….I was told the position is located in California.

My first reaction was, “well, that’s it, it’s over.”  But I got in my car and California Girls was on the radio.   Followed by Californication.  I thought I should at least consider it.  And I did.  I considered the fact that I love the water, that I have lived in Tucson my whole life, and that this would be an amazing adventure.  And then I considered how I would have to not only uproot my entire life, but B’s too.  And how, in California, my salary was going to leave us very poor.  I analyzed with everyone I know, listed pros and cons, and went back and forth.

But alas, it is not my dream job.  Not right now; not the right money, not the right place.  No matter how much I try to make it fit – it doesn’t.  I am disappointed; that it’s not my dream job, that it doesn’t pay better, that I’m not moving to California.  But I continue to be excited that B and I have built a pretty great life for ourselves right here in the Old Pueblo.  We own a beautiful home, we have friends and family, careers, and finally the money to actually be able to travel.  So I’ll see California soon enough – even if only for a weekend.